Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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