DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
