We should be called the Road Head Warriors
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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