I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
