how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
