good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
