i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
