Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
