Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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