have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
