omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
