I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
