You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
