i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
