I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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