my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
