All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
