I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
