I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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