You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
