Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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