Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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