Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
