Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
