I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
