cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
