Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
