I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
