So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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