I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
