The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
