she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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