I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
