how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
