Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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