You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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