just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
