he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
