i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
