hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
