I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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