I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
