you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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