I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
is wine microwaveable?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
