my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
