Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
