I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
