ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
