then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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