She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
