I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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