girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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