It's like God shit irony all over that family
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
