i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
