May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
