You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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