i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
